A Marketer’s Dream

On some levels I am a perpetual 13 year old girl.  I love all things sparkly.  But somewhere inside me also lives a crochety 83 year old girl.  I adore Harriet Carter catalogs.  Any catalog that sells non skid stair treads to the elderly on the same page as “personal massagers” is a gem of a read.  Especially the ads where they don’t even show you the product, they show you a sketch of the item.  That’s trust dude.  Here’s $19.99 for a general depiction.  You’re lucky to get anything close to what you think you ordered.  My 83 year old self also LOVES those tv commercials for those products you just can’t live without.  I even have a wishlist.  I truly, honestly want these things.  I shall share them with you now.  Watch, your wishlist might grow too!

Behold:  The Reacherreacher_th My husband is 6 feet 5 inches tall.  I am 5 feet 7 inches tall.  I’m not short but he seems to think I’m a WNBA player.  He puts things on the highest shelves in our tall tall cabinets.  I haven’t been able to use my apple cutter thing in months because I can’t reach it.  If I had the Reacher, all my problems would be solved!

Behold: ShamWowshamwow_collage2Not only am I amazed at this product, I’m convinced that the ShamWow guy could sell water to a drowning man.  I’m sure I’ve got gallons of liquid spills that need to be cleaned up.  But my only concern is how do you wash it?  If I throw all of the ShamWows into the washing machine will they just suck up all the water and seize up my machine?  ShamWow guy says that Germans made it and I should trust them.  Now, where’s my Visa?

Behold: The Snuggie1559snuggie1If you are a loved one of mine, turn away, because you just might be getting one of these for Christmas 2009.  Hey, we’re in a recession.  Why not lounge around in synthetic fabric sweating our asses off while we look like monks?  Much better to spend a few dollars now on a giant blanket with sleeves (essentially a backwards ROBE) than to hike up the heat to 70*.  I’m not even joking.  I’ve got my eye on the aqua one.  And the free booklight.

Behold: Smooth Awaysmoothaway_featuresI have severe excema.  This makes using a traditional razor on my legs almost impossible unless I want to walk away looking like I shaved with barbed wire.  So I use an electric razor.  Until I saw the commercial for Smooth Away.  Why not buff off all that unwanted hair with commercial grade sandpaper?  Who needs that top layer of epidermis? Not me!  If I receive this item for my birthday I can get rid of my leg stubble while driving!  Hey, if it’s good enough for the headless man on their site then it’s good enough for me.

Behold: Loud & Clear Sound Amplifierloudnclear I have early hearing loss.  I have a really hard time hearing in busy restaurants and shops especially.  But if I owned this little beauty I could apparently hear conversations from 30 feet away!  According to the commercial I would hear all the people at the beach talk about me as I walk by.  Yeah, THAT’S the stuff I want to hear.  Snide remarks about how my white ass hasn’t seen the business side of the sun in years.  The Loud & Clear is so handy and discreet, people will think it’s a Bluetooth headset.  But what about my real Bluetooth?  Now I’m the jackass walking around the grocery store with 2 headsets on.  I’ll look like a Time Life operator on the loose.  And according to their site, the Loud & Clear weighs 3 pounds.  THREE POUNDS!  That’s a lot of weight hanging off my little ear.  I guess the good news will be I won’t hear my own ear rip off my head under the strain of my discreet hearing aid.

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12 thoughts on “A Marketer’s Dream

  1. I saw the infomercial for the Smooth Away. Great idea, but do you think it works? If it really did work, why didn’t anyone market it a long time ago?

  2. So that’s what a snuggie looks like!! lol I have fleece blankets up the wazoo.. i think i will be ok with that.
    The shamwow interests me but i mostly wipe up dog accidents so i am not sure i like that idea.

    The smooth away sucks! stay away, i bought one last year and used it and it did nothing! (I found it walmart actually). It didn’t remove one hair. I now wax using the veet/nair wax strips!

    I bought the magic bullet from the infomercial. I love it! When the ads come on, I still watch it even though I have one.

  3. I just saw the smooth away this morning at Dollar General.. I almost bought it for Jasmin who has excema on her legs. Bummer.

    The shamwow however is awesome. My dad bought them and we love them. I also have the bullet. love love love it. PERFECT for smoothies.

  4. When I saw the EZ Combs commercials, I just had to have them. You don’t even want to know how excited I got when I found them in Bed, Bath, and Beyond (lots of infomercial stuff can be found there).

  5. I laughed so hard I wet my pants! Do you have product to solve that dilemma besides Depends????? OMG.. too funny.

  6. I actually want the Shamwow! However, that listening thing is a crock. 3lbs? That’s insane. But you made me totally belly laugh at the image of you walking around IKEA with two blue-tooth headsets on.

  7. One extended inlaw family member of mine ordered the Smooth Away..not sure if it was the name brand or a knock off, but said family member got 6 sheets of sand paper in the mail – really…it was sand paper. Did she use it? Sho did. Did it rip her skin to shreds? Sho did.

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