First the bad news

I figure I’ll start with the bad news then move on to fun cruise pics.  I don’t blog every thing.  Some things I keep to myself.  Some news I don’t share, especially in regards to our quest for a child, because if things don’t work out then I have that many more people asking questions about it.  The latest big thing I haven’t shared is that for the last few months (since about July), we’ve been working with a birth mother in South Carolina.  This was the Operation Shoney Bear I’d blogged about a while back.I won’t be sharing too many details, but here’s what I can tell you.  I didn’t seek her out.  She came to us via a friend.  We started talking on the phone.  I drove down one Sunday and spent a few hours with her.  We developed a relationship.  And on Saturday, November 1st I called her on our way to Florida to check in.  I hadn’t heard from her in about 3-4 weeks and I’d started to wonder if everything was ok.  I’d sent cards and letters, with no response, which was odd.  The last time I’d talked to her she was so excited about us raising her baby.  As soon as she answered the phone I knew something was wrong.  And by the time we hung up I was sobbing.  She changed her mind.  This was a risk we knew came with the deal, but I’d felt so confident in her, in us, in this whole plan.  But she changed her mind.  And now, once again, we are left with no baby.  And once again I am heartbroken.  I cried all the way down to Florida.  But as soon as Orlando came into view I powdered my nose and bucked up.  This was Lisa’s time.  I told Mom & Papa & Jon that we wouldn’t speak of the baby situation again on this trip.  That we would revel in the love that surround Pete & Lisie and we would have a great time.  And we did.  But I’m home now.  And the last 48 hours have been really, really hard.  We’ve decided to just stop thinking about it for a while.  To put the baby quest on hold for a few months.  It is just exhausting me.  I just can’t take any more disappointment and rejection.  I feel hollow.  BUT, I’m NOT giving up hope.  I have faith.  And it is bigger than a mustard seed.

So, now you have the bad news.  The good news is Lisa and Pete had a gorgeous wedding surrounded by people who love them.  And you will get to see pictures of that as soon as I’m finished editing the 400+ pics I took last week!

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32 thoughts on “First the bad news

  1. Shanny, I am so sorry to hear this. I can’t even begin to imagine what this does to one’s heart. You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight. Just today at church we had a fundraiser for Colorado Christian Services, an adoption agency here in Colorado supported by churches, and there are so many children throughout the world that need homes. I know you will get just the right child at just the right time, but I know that doesn’t ease your pain tonight. Thinking of you.

  2. I am so sorry about the birthmother. I can only imagine how crushed you are-4 months is a long time to get used to the idea that you will be a mother to this baby.

    Adoption is an exceptionally hard road right now-hopefully things will swing back like they were a few years ago.

    I am glad you blogged your news, even if it was not good, I am sure you will got lots of love and support from your bloggy friends.

  3. Shannon, so very sorry to hear about your big disappointment. I know the hole that an birthmother changing her mind can leave in your heart. I check your blog almost daily but rarely leave a comment but today you need to know that there are people supporting and praying for you. I believe that the child meant to be yours with find you at the right time. Our took over eight years but she was the perfect one. Send you much aloha from Hawaii!!

  4. This is MUCH worse than I imagined. It’s making my chest hurt just to read it, and I didn’t know about it for months. I’ll be praying for you!

  5. Oh Shanny, my heart is just breaking for you right now. I know you have been waiting to be a mommy for so very long and I can imagine how hopeful you were about this situation. I wish I could say or do something to make it better, but that is impossible. Just know I’m sending big hugs and lots of good prayers your way. I know things will work out in the end, but it is so hard to see that far when your heart is breaking.

  6. Oh friend, I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to come across as insensitive in my last comment – I never imagined it would be something this devastating. I am so, so sorry.

    Stay strong,

  7. Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I can only imagine what you’re going through…I’m here for you if you ever need to get your mind of things…we can totally throwdown with some mad scrabble tournaments!

  8. I’m so sorry this has happened. My friend has adopted a child from Lithuania and she is heavily involved with adoption support and ethical adoption. If your interested, I can give you her websites. She may have some information that can be helpful. Let me know.

  9. I am really sorry to hear your news and I am thinking about you today. It’s a brave and gracious thing to choose to give your love and happiness to someone else while you put your on pain on hold. Take care.

  10. Oh Shannon,
    I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this setback. I can’t even imagine…
    Thinking of you.
    peace,
    kath

  11. oh sweetie… i am so sorry… and you are right about keeping faith… don’t give up… the right baby is out there for ya… I will be praying for ya!!!

  12. Shanny, I am so very sorry. Close friends of ours went through this two years ago. I think you are wise to take some time to grieve. I wish I had words to comfort you, but sometimes… sometimes there just aren’t any words. Wrap your faith around you and be kind to yourself during this time. Hugs ~ TM

  13. I have been thinking about you and praying for you ever since I heard the news. I am heartbroken as well. I am having faith that there is a bigger blessing just around the corner for you all, bigger than we could even imagine. I am here if you need to talk and/or cry or not talk and/or not cry 😉 (((HUGS)))

  14. Sending you lots of hugs. Adoption is not for the faint of heart and you know that all too well. Sometimes taking a little time away from things does help you regroup and refocus your energies. Take care of yourself and CSP.
    XOXO

  15. Oh Shannon. I am sending you big hugs. I am so so very sorry. I know we haven’t been through the exact same things in trying to attain our goal of becoming a parent but I feel like I can understand. I am thinking and praying of you.

  16. Oh Shannon… my heart goes out to you. I don’t comment much but read your blog regularly still since leaving NC. You and J will make incredible parents and it will happen for you. Even if it seems hopeless and endless, it will happen and when it does, it will be incredible and it will be right. I know probably nothing anyone says right now will really help but just know that there are so many people out there who are sending their good wishes and prayers. I cannot imagine how difficult this must be and to face another disappointment but you and J will get through this. My good friends faced similar issues for years- infertility and then adoption hold ups. When they finally adopted their son from Korea it was as if he was meant for them. Truly. He just turned 6 and they say time and time again how when they look back on those long years while they were waiting for a child they remember the pain, but it was all worth it. Keep going and try to find joy and happiness where you can. It will happen.

  17. I am so sorry. What heartbreak, I can’t imagine.
    I’m so glad to hear you still have faith. This kind of thing can definitely shake it, but God will get you through. You know that he won’t give you any more than you can bear. (you must be one tough chick!)
    Your baby will come when she’s meant to come. God’s ways are mysterious, but always right. Don’t give up!
    I pray that you have your baby in your arms soon. How the bloggy world will rejoice 🙂
    Nikki

  18. Hi Shanny,
    I, too, went immediately to adoption when you mentioned bad news. I am deeply sorry for your loss.

    I pray that another child finds you soon and that you will have a very easy time of placement.

    Take care Sweet Friend!

  19. I’m sorry that your bad news was BAD NEWS. Props to you for pulling through the trip. That could not have been easy. I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

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