Options

Thank you so much for your kind words and support regarding our adoption. It means so much to me.

At this point our options are:
Stay with our agency and switch countries or Leave our agency (and the thousands of dollars we’ve given them) and start fresh. Our agency doesn’t do domestic.

Switching countries isn’t that easy, especially when your heart is in one. After months of research we were convinced China was the place for us to find our children. We told our families and friends we were adopting from China. I started learning Mandarin via iPod, Ni Hao. We have boxes FULL of Chinese toys and dolls and books for our child that was not meant to be. It was devastating when we had to switch. I prayed and prayed and finally was sent some signs (long story) that Guatemala was the way to go. We redid all the paperwork (not cheap as each country requires different forms). We redid our physicals. I started re-learning Spanish (Hola, I took it in high school). We filled her room with clothing and picked out furniture. I took care not to go too overboard with Guatemalan things, not to get too attached.

We told our families and friends. We’ve endured months and months of waiting and answering “Nope, nothing yet. Still on the list!” when asked about the adoption. And now we’re back to square one. I’m turning 35 years old in a few weeks. When I turned 30 I cried for days because I knew 30 meant decreased chances of getting pregnant and we’d been trying for 2 years. We then went through infertility treatments that didn’t work. Then I started having major issues with bleeding and couldn’t work. That resulted in multiple surgeries costing us thousands of dollars of our adoption savings. I never thought I’d be in the same childless situation 5 [b]long, hard[/b] years later.

What about the other countries our agency offers? They only have programs in 8 countries. China, Guatemala, & 6 others. One other country is closed, and the rest we can’t adopt from for various reasons (cost, amount of time required to spend in country- some you have to stay over a month!- etc.) or the program just isn’t for us (one program the youngest you can get is 6!). We want to raise children. We understand we’ll probably never have that newborn experience, and we’ve become ok with that. But please, let me have a baby. A toddler at least. She has a closet full of clothes from 6 mos- 3T and I can’t bare to give those away until she’s worn them.

This has been a hard, hard week. We’re just kind of talking things out and trying to figure out the financial part of things. Our agency has over $6000 of our money. That’s not a small sum of money to us and it’s hard to think we might have to walk away from it to become parents, mainly because we don’t know how we’ll be able to replace that amount to start over. We don’t have to make the decision today or anything, but we want to have a plan soon.

So please, if you can find it in your heart, say a prayer for us. We want a family so badly. I ache to be a mother. But I feel like it’s a dream that’s slipping away.

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19 thoughts on “Options

  1. Oh Shanny, my heart is breaking for you, it can just be soooo terribly frustrating! I wish I could smack some sense into these people and tell them that they have the best mommy waiting in their wings and they are about to lose her!!! i don’t know what to tell you to do, it is such a hard choice when you have your heart totally invested in one thing or place. You and CSP are in my prayers and please don’t give up on being a mommy. You are going to be one to contend with when it happens, I know it! Hang in there sweetie.

  2. Oh Shanny, these are insanely hard decisions to have to make. I’m so sorry you’re here again and my heart goes out to you guys. You are going to be SUCH a good mom. I know it and can’t wait.

  3. I don’t know if this is something you have already considered (and it’s not the best thing in the world, but is in an option I think), but if you have a country with a really long in-country stay you can usually both go put take a power of attny with you that says you have authority to make all decisions for your husband and he can go back to the states (if he is unable to stay a full month). As long as he is there for Gotcha day and the official adoption day, then he can usually leave-in fact we had a family in our china group that the father didn’t even travel. I know it’s not the best solution, but you are lucky that you don’t work and don’t have to worry about getting the time off. Most of the time you travel with other families and they can help out (as well as your facilitators).

    Again, you may have already thought about that. And for the countries that are more expensive, put it on a low interest credit card and use your tax credit to pay on it. It’s not the best option, but in the long run you will be happy you bit the bullet and paid the extra money.

    I know about how expensive this is, we spent over $70,000 trying to have children ($20,000 on a failed surrogacy attempt, $20,000 for China and $30,000 for Vietnam). We are not rich and we did put $10,000 of Jack’s adoption on a credit card. I don’t regret any of the money we spent at all (including the failed surrogacy money surprisingly). The money issue just disolves once you have the children in your home.

    Sorry this is so long:)

  4. Hi Shanny,
    I am so sorry for all the problems you are having. What did your agency recommend? I know that many of the services are already used up, but can they offer you a partial refund? Can they partner with a domestic agency? What are other families in your boat doing?

    What is the situation about adopting locally in your state? Many families do get certified via foster care and then adopt from foster care. It wouldn’t be expensive and they do know you are only going foster to adoption..

    Good luck and you have my support and prayers!

  5. You know you’ve got L love and prayers headed your way. We’ll all wear our tiaras and boas and have more pizza than a frat party to celebrate. All in a house powered by one drop cord. 🙂

    xoxo

  6. I don’t have any more words of wisdom to share that the others haven’t already given you. Just know that I’m thinking of you and CSP and praying for your child to come home soon. {{HUGS}}

  7. So sorry you seem to keep hitting brick walls! I’m frustrated for you and will keep you in my prayers. Maybe there are some creative ways to finance some of the more expensive countries?

  8. Sigh. I so wish this didn’t have to be so hard for you. Please know my good thoughts are headed your way.

  9. So many choices and none very fast. Keep searching, you will find the right answer…
    So sorry!

    Alyson LID 01/27/06 (waiting 28 months….)

  10. Hi – I happened to run across your blog today and can so relate to your frustration! I will definitely send prayers your way. We ended up getting both our boys from Guatemala. The first was by divine intervention and the second was through the typical agency route. I posted about our first adoption on my blog if you’re interested in the story you can find it here http://karmental.wordpress.com/2008/06/25/fathers-day/
    Good luck to you!

  11. Oh, Shanny. I just saw this post and my heart broke for you and CSP. Y’all will be in my thoughts and prayers. I’m so, so sorry.

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