Of jumbled thoughts.
-Love the word bevy. Sounds like the name of your favorite babysitter or that fun girl in class.
-My hair has decided after 30 plus years that it wants to be curly. Esp when it is hot and humid out. But only in one spot. This is driving me insane.
-No more bleeding! For a few days now! I’m free!
-Adoption update: Not sure if I’ve mentioned this of late, but everything is kind of on hold til we raise/save some more money. Which sucks, but we’re getting there.
-I don’t understand the point of sesame seeds. Do they have a taste at all? They never really stick to buns. They just fall off. And if I planted one, what would grow?
-There is an inordinate amount of toddler nudity going on over at my sister’s house. Makes for great photos, but you know the neighbors are groaning! I’ve never seen a kid love to be nakey as much as my nephew Joey. Combine that with his inclination for exploring and that makes for some Fun Times!
-A table full of people at a restaurant who do NOT look and coo at a baby is so much more odd to me than seeing a group of adults coo and goo goo at a child.
-More and more I find myself disliking drinking anything out of a glass glass. Plastic and acrylic is fine. Classy right?
-I think my eyebrows have shifted over time (and due to some bad plucking on my part I’m sure) and now I think they are totally off center. I don’t think there is a way to fix this.
-I have so much to do around the house, and all I want to do is nap and watch VH1. Damn that Celebreality!
I ADORE summer patio and garden decor and accessories. I love summer dishware- all that plastic and melamine in those fabulous colors! I love brightly colored sparkly shiny things you can hang from ceilings and tree branches. And this year I’m loving these fabulous things- from afar mind you, the adoption budget does not allow for frivolous summer spending sprees:
This adorable garden sculpture is from Carruth Studios. The artist there makes a ton of adorable things that are all really affordable. I love the face on this fish named Sid. Doesn’t he look like a grumpy grampa? They have a sweet little ladybug mini sculpture. But I’m on a budget and can manage self control sometimes. Plus, I don’t want to turn into the crazy ladybug lady. I like other things too!
This I love as an idea and a finished product. An outdoor rug that you can hose off but is still way cute. You can get it here, and they come in a million (there abouts) colors and patterns. And for less than $70! Deal!
And of course my favorite place in the world, IKEA, didn’t let me down this year. There are too many things to list all the ones I love. But I adore this garden gnome: and these tea light holders: You can check out their summer offerings by clicking http://www.ikea.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/CategoryDisplay?storeId=12&catalogId=10103&langId=-1&categoryId=16708″>here. Thankfully the closest IKEA is 3.5 hours away or we would be filing for bankruptcy! I am making a promise to myself to get there before the fall if it kills me!
So, any other cutie pie things out there I need to know about?
So I went to the doctor yesterday because Jon was sure I was growing a brain tumor since my eye turned all bloody. I knew it was just a blood clot thing, but went to the Dr. anyway. Turns out I’m officially anemic and will have to start taking RX iron. I’m also being put on high blood pressure meds. And, as if that weren’t enough, I’m going for a sleep study next month cause Jon noticed I stop breathing when I’m sleeping. I think that should be fun though. I’ve always wanted to be part of a study of some sort.
In other news, Monday was a rough day and I slept through a good bit of it. Around 3 I took the pugs out back. I still had bed hair, and if any of you have seen me in the a.m. you know that is some skeeeery stuff. I still had my long green night shirt on. I threw open the deck gate/door and directly across from me on my neighbor’s deck was a realtor and a hopeful home buying family. My neighbor is selling their house. That slipped my mind at the moment. Molly was squealing and jumping all around, Ike was barking, Kea was howling, and I looked like some sort of zombie. Miraculously their house went under contract yesterday! So either those are some brave people or they went away screaming and some other poor soul bought that house!
Wow, throw a little activity at a girl trying to quickly recover from hot pocket surgery and it knocks her flat out man. Saturday Jon’s aunt D and her daughter, so I guess my aunt and cousin, came and took me to lunch. I hadn’t been out of the house except to go to the doctor in so long. My meds make me really shakey so putting on makeup was a bit tricky. I’m lucky I didn’t lose an eye! Then we went to look at model homes (so fun to see how they are decorated! and there are so many new neighborhoods in my area). By the 4th 2 story house I had to sit down. I forgot that losing blood for weeks and weeks can take a lot out of you! I was only light headed for a bit then we were ready to roll again. But by the time I got home it was nap time! I feel like such a frail old lady!
Sunday we had brunch with Jon’s parents for Father’s Day. Then Jon had to go to work so I headed up to Sara’s for a Father’s Day cookout. I skipped my pain meds so I could drive. Not fun. On the way up I called my Pappy and my Dad to send Father’s Day wishes. They were all at my Nanny & Pappy’s house so they passed the phone all around and I was able to talk with Nanny and my aunt as well. All of them scolded me for driving and doing too much. It was kind of funny and ironic for my Pappy (who’s on hospice) to scold me, a 32 yr old punk, about taking it easy and getting some rest. But I was totally getting cabin fever and had to get out! I had to load up on motrin for pain once I got to Sara’s and then it was bearable. My Mama and Papa came up for the afternoon too. They took the boys to the pool so I was able to rest for a while while they were gone. Jake and Joey look so cute in their little bathing suits! I got to check out their new playset. Joey had a big time showing off, but Jake would only perform for Daddy. Fitting I suppose, for Father’s Day and all. When I was leaving I noticed Jake hunched down in the garage. He’s in the midst of potty training and while having a big time peeing in the potty, is resisting pooping in the potty. He was sqatting down next to a pile of poop. And their dog had been in the backyard all day. So it wasn’t her. Sara and Marc came out and I pointed out the pile. Then we all said our goodbyes and I hit the road, with Mama & Papa behind me. I hadn’t driven 5 minutes before Sara called. She had scolded Jake for going poopy in the garage instead of telling someone so he could be helped on the potty. He said “That’s Aunt Shanny’s poop.” She said what?!! He told her “Aunt Shanny pooped in the garage.” Well, you know what they say about house guests and fish I guess!
Oh, and here’s a little Molly bonus. She’s getting so big! She has another vet appt this week so we’ll see how much she weighs.
She’s almost as tall as Ike! And boy does she work those ears and that cute face!
Lastly, look what I woke up with this morning! I swear, as soon as the bleeding started tapering off down south, it headed north!
You guys are the best most wonderfullest people ever. Thank you so much. I was just having a rough down day. But I know I gotta keep my chin up and keep plugging away and what will be will be. And frankly, I don’t want to be pregnant. I know it would be a medical nightmare. My Obgyn has said so. It was just nice knowing we had an ace in the hole, as it were. But enough about my hot pocket drama!
So, I have a couple of cute quotes for ya from the last couple weeks. I like to write these down to remember them. When we were at the beach we were all talking and it came up that Hot as Hale is deaf in one ear. Jon said “What are you, a pirate?” Wha? We were all confused then cause what’s being a pirate got to do with being deaf. So Jon said “Well you know pirates were known for their bad hearing. Standing near those cannons all the time.” Bahaha! Here I thought they were known for their pillaging and sea battles and what not. We were rolling. Imagining all the pirates running around with patches on their ears!
Jake was asking where was his Unca Jon yesterday. Sara told him Unca Jon was at work. Jake said he wanted to talk to him. Sara said what do you want to say? Jake said “I want to party with Unca Jon.” I couldn’t believe it and told Jon and he couldn’t believe it so we got Jake on speaker phone and as soon as he heard Unca Jon’s voice he said “Party with Unca Jon!”. We may not be the best influence!
A little while ago we had a plan. It seemed like it could work. Like it would work. Foolproof even. Started counting chickens. So we set some things in motion. Wrote a couple of checks for a lot of money. Then I got sick. Again. And we knew we’d have to do something permanent to keep me from bleeding and being sick. So we did. And now, just a little, I’m freaking out. I willingly let them sterilize me. To keep me from bleeding. To make my life better of course. But what if this adoption doesn’t work out? Already the wait has doubled. And it is so expensive and is taking so long because it is so expensive. We just don’t have $25,000 sitting around. And now it is my only hope. I can’t fall back on, well, if it doesn’t work out we’ll just do IVF. Can’t now. My only hope is so far away. I feel sometimes like I’ll never be a mom, we’ll never have a family. We’ll always be that couple at the cookouts with no kids. I don’t want that look. That “oh yeah, they couldn’t have kids and the adoption didn’t work out” look. And people who are DTC, LID for months and months already, end in sight, who are complaining about the wait, oy. I mean, I hear ya, I feel bad for ya, I hate the wait too. I know most of you have struggled just like us. But you’re so close. So close. And my walls are crashing in. And I don’t want people to feel sorry for me, for us. I just want to get better, to try as hard as I can to make it work. I want to get to where so many of you are, the wait. Where all I’ll have to do is decorate, and shop, and wait, and hope. And maybe, hopefully, prayerfully, my only hope will come through for us.