So the entire clan is gathering on Sunday to witness the CHRISTENING, not baptismal, of my nephew Joey and then immediately following we will be celebrating my other nephew Jake’s 2nd birthday. I really don’t think you’re ready for this jelly. People don’t believe our family stories until they meet the kinsmen themselves. Some of it is rather hard to believe. It’s mostly difficult to fathom that all this craziness is wrapped up in one family tree. Monday morning I will be posting pictures and I’ll be armed with enough blogger material to last a lifetime I’m sure. But before the weekend comes I’d like to give you guys a primer, so as to not skeer ya right outcha britches come Monday. A who’s who if you will (don’t worry, I’m not covering the entire guest list, neither you nor I have that kind of time):
-Nanny & Pappy: My paternal grandparents. Nanny is Irish and only in the last 5 years did she become a citizen. Pappy is my blind grandfather who until his eyesight totally left him, would watch his 60 inch plasma tv with binoculars. Unfortunately, due to Pappy’s health, they won’t be able to make it to the party (they live in Florida). But they’ll be there in spirit.
-Uncle Kevin & Aunt Marcia, Troy: my Dad’s brother and his wife & their son. Just last year at this time Kevin cut his thumb off in the woodshed. We visited him to check up on him as well as Troy because Nanny told us Troy had gone blind. Troy actually had hives (Nanny’s just hard of hearing) and Marcia was keeping Kevin’s severed thumb in a paper bag in the freezer. You can’t make this stuff up.
-Stephanie, Mike, & Cody: Cousin, her husband, their newborn son. Mike, bless his heart, is the skinniest highway patrol officer I’ve ever seen. I have earrings bigger than him. His head is so tiny it’s hard to believe he’s not a shrunken head from some tribe. I’m DYING to see this baby.
-Junior, Marilyn, Chad: My Dad, his 4th wife (we think, he’s shady, could be # 5 or 6), my brother. They all live in Florida so we don’t see them much. Marilyn married my Dad around Thanksgiving so she’s new to the family craziness. She seems relatively normal, although we’re thinking they may smoke the ganja (sp?) on occasion. Chad is 18 and is epileptic. Breaks my heart. I don’t joke about him. Now my Dad…..oh Lord. Where to begin? He’s just a nut job. The poster child for why you should never drink or do drugs when you’re young. He’s recently calmed down enough for us to allow him at family functions again. We went about 10 years without seeing him. That’s why we’re not exactly sure how many wives he’s had. I don’t know if he even knows for sure.
-Lisa: My best friend. THANK YOU LORD for lowering air fare enough so she can be here. I need a witness or you may all cry liar later.
-Rita, Gary, Jody, Pete: Aunt, Uncle & cousins on Mom’s side. They live in a town called Tookiedoo in a double wide trailer with a big screen tv, satellite dish, & golf cart. Gary’s the one who blew his face off a year or so ago with lye while unclogging a pipe in a pool. He’s healed now, and looks exactly the same as he did before the accident.
-Grandmommy: my Mom’s mom. Grandmommy lives in a house in the country. Her boyfriend, Ray, lives in a trailer in her yard. Ray’s the one who got so drunk he fell out of a tree while hunting, had a heart attack and a stroke, landed on his face and stayed there for 2 days before he was found. HE SURVIVED. Grandmommy is a no nonsense country girl who does not like fuss. The last time she was told there was a big function and she had to put on a dress she took a drag off her cigarette and drawled “Oh, shiiiiiit.”
Now, since my sister apparently refuses to post pics of her darling boys, I’ll do it. Here’s Joey:
And here are some more pics of him and Jake that I took last night. Such cuties! They have no idea what kind of family they are growing up in.